What Is And What Was

Many a times one regrets the decisions taken in the past and now thinks if the decision was taken otherwise, it would have resulted for the better. But what one fails to recognize is that in the past when the decision was taken, the state of mind and situations around were different than what it is now. Before taking most of the decisions one weighs the options and chooses what seems the best in that moment but later on when things don't turn out the way one wished mind starts imagining alternate choices forgetting the ideas bought into while taking the past decisions, and based on the present circumstances superimpose ideas from the present onto the past imagining a resultantly desirable present or future.

Its impossible to take into consideration all the effects a choice will result in and the variables involved in any moment are enormous and vast. The way things happen is a bona fide to their authenticity and probably they could have come to pass differently but the truth is that they didn't. One is always choosing what appears best and right, there seems no other way. So regretting about a past choice makes no sense because if one puts oneself again in the past situation- by recollecting how one actually felt in the past and not by placing the present self in the past- one would take the same decision again.

There is no need to confuse between what is and what was and burden oneself with the weight of past choices. Seeing life totally in the present for whatever it is one can live much more qualitatively. If past choices haunt then one can address those choices differently if they happen to appear again in the present, and what will result from those choices? well, why not exercise ones imagination again.

Desire

Desiring, is a funny activity. The things or not-things one desires lead to the end of that desire. Like when one desires an object, the moment that object is obtained, the desire for it vanishes. So in a way desire is an self-destructive activity, itself leading to its destruction. Stronger the desire, sooner it wants to self-destruct.
Is true enjoyment in desiring or obtaining? Why do we want to be without desire all the time? at least thats what is suggested, as most of ones activities arise out of some desire to do this or that, to get this or that, to achieve, to reach, to fill ones stomach, to sleep comfortably, to be free, to be loved, to be religious or spiritual and on and on it goes. We also desire to be desire less, but is that possible?
Can one conceive an activity which is not motivated by some want or an appetite? Is one capable of such an activity? Desire seem to never end but jump from object to object or feeling or emotion or person. Is there one who can say -Thats it! All my desires have ben fulfilled and I no more desire.

Not This Not That

Have you observed yourself in a mood where you do not want to do this or that or anything else? You do not want to work, you think may be you should chill for a while, but even that is not it. You think you may watch a movie or read a book or just do nothing, but alas! you are in a spot where you are just clueless of what is it that you feel like. Anything you do, even resting can lead to a state of irritation. You flounder with different things, try this or that but none seem to make sense. You wonder what is it that you feel this moment? what could end this anxiety? what is it that you are supposed to do? In that helpless state of predicament there is no option left ! What can you can do about it rather than let it pass.

Little Secrets

Many a thoughts, does not see the light of the day. Some wild, some ugly, some rebellious, some vulgar, some noble, good or evil, sane, insane. There exists a tension whether their expression is valid or not, what repercussions they might cause once they are out in the open, they may not leave life the same? Also there is a fear of making them real through expression or whether there is a need to even speak them giving them undue attention, whether one is really the thoughts one think or is there a difference? What will be the image created once the thoughts have taken shape of a language, the image which one has nurtured all of one's life a single action can shatter it to pieces.

I wonder whether everyone goes through this and is aware of such turmoil inside? This dilemma of whether to say or not to say. Doubting, analyzing ones own self in shock and horror, wondering what makes you capable of such ideas. Whether expressing them is genuine or letting them be is.

Paradox Of Opposites

The line of separation between good and bad, holy and evil, right and wrong, God and devil etc. is almost faint and truly perplexing. Good exists only with reference to bad and vice versa. To say something is good we need to know what is bad, otherwise how do we recognize that it is good? And when either one of them is dropped then other looses its meaning too. For instance if we say a person is good means he/she doesn't behave how a troublesome person(according to us) behaves. From a non-judgmental perspective, opposites may not make any sense and just become a single stream of happening on which we superimpose our ideas depending on the circumstances we are placed and the ideas we harbor.

If we analyze the so called bad or unwanted events closely, we see that its effects can also be good. Majority of times we see that evil acts committed lead to a result which ends up in the betterment of many as a whole. Many will have a question here as to what good can be seen in a rape or theft or violence but the people who stand to work in the field of these issues are victims and end up helping and saving quite a few others who may become victims to such instances. A women who has suffered great amount of injustice in her life may become an activist and is an eligible activist who knows what it means to go through what she did. The injustice caused to her may act as a blessing to hundreds whom she will address.
Also in the case of death where the affected party will always question God about the loss of a dear one or any death in general but if not for death life will loose meaning. Imagine how hard it may become to live on this planet if there was no death with all your ancestors still around. Death is an agent of change and movement, growth. Evolution is possible with the death of a previous condition and birth of a new one. But left to us we would make all dear ones survive and wish all the enemies would be dead, and what a confusing and chaotic situation that may become where every single person is perceived good or holy by some and bad and evil by some other. There will be a colossal conflict of interests as to who should continue living and who should not.

I don't mean to encourage unjust and evil acts here but exploring another perspective to look at these common ideas we hold about the opposites. We generally conclude that bad is something to be avoided and good to be sustained, but all these good and bad are only our personal agendas and judgements and may not represent the good of the whole at all. The whole already has a way of unfolding which is dependent on every individual yet independent in totality. Existence manifests differently in every moment and this manifestation, whatever it is, is proof enough that things couldn't have taken place any other way, because it didn't.

Realisation And Knowledge

Whats the difference when you know something and
when you realize something?

Like you know something is significant and something is not, but knowing is totally different than the actual realization of that knowledge. I wonder what really happens when we comprehend the truth behind words and situations? what change takes place in our consciousness, what kind of shift happens that the knowledge becomes real and not anymore just knowledge which we might forget or remember.

Often times in the scriptures, this life we live is compared to a dream. While in dream we believe it to be true and not for a second we have an idea that there is a waker who is asleep at this moment and conceiving the dream. Also the time-space scale changes in the dream. We could dream of years in a short span of few hours of sleep in one night, travel different places, live different stages and moments in life. Similarly the general waking consciousness is also like a dream though a very persistent and strong one, shared by millions. But while in dream its difficult to know that we are asleep. We think we are son or daughter of so and so, our names are this or that, we are happy-sad, rich-poor etc. But absolutely speaking, that may not be true.

Now, knowing all this is fine and simple but when this knowledge really hits you and when you actually question your life, your self and what all has passed and what is really happening in front of you and that what you might think about all of it may just be a dream and will pass away anytime into nothing, you are shaken up into a mode of contemplation which trembles the very foundation on which you based all your ideas of reality about yourself and about what is around you. It might happen in an unknown moment when you never thought of it and suddenly you are so aware of what you have known for so long but never really felt it, it will come out of nowhere, something you've never seen or experienced.

Danse Macabre

Death is something which seem to add meaning to our lives. Because if we would not die and remained here for ever then probably there won't be any need for us to work, earn, eat, grow, progress, achieve etc., What for do we work? and if we don't there is no such grave consequence for it. Most of us earn to have a decent meal, shelter, clothing and the basic needs which help us survive in a healthy manner but if we are never going to perish then the significance of these items may not be there at all, you are going to be here eternally and nothing can stop that, so whats the big deal.

Conversely, death should actually, deprive life of any meaning, if any, when looked at from another perspective. One day whatever is born has to pass away, if you looked around, everything you see, every single item will get destroyed through some manner or the other, its just a matter of time- even this screen you read on and the eyes reading it, your fingers which type it and the brain which processes it. Everything will become part of this world in different form ultimately and called by different names and exist. Then if everything has to pass away anyway, what's the actual use of anything we do. Socially, evolutionally many different reasons can be given and purposes can be derived such as giving the future generations a better world, contributing and giving back as an act of gratitude to what has been handed over to us by ancestors. But in an absolute point of view when everything is in such a state of continuous change and uncertainty then it doesn't make any difference what is done and what is not. Its a negligible amount in this colossally big universe. Everything just will pass into nothingness one day, without any meaning. Our endless worries and pleasures will mean nothing at all. There even won't be anyone to recognise it.

Now it is you who has to decide- to either give meaning to life or deprive it of meaning, or Nothing at all...

Time to put this letter to an End(death) !